♥My Lalaland♥: Blogs

It's been such a long time since I've written a proper blog (exclude the ones from Formsprings.me). I have so many things to type, but I don't know where to start!!!! xD

Oh OK~~~ Let's start with..... I'M FINALLY IN COLLEGE! =D My parents finally gave me the green light to leave my Form 6 & go study in college! =) I'm now in my freshman year for my Diploma in Mass Communication. *smug* Loving every bit of it. Made new friends there, & we are now called as "The Manganz" (actually, I dunno what does "Mangan" mean. My friend Sam just started saying that word & we've got stuck to it ever since. LOL~~).

I've got one thing to say though. I'm totally out of my comfort zone over here. For the past 9 years of my life, I was a total Science geek (not a good one, I may add). All the subjects that I've learned are based on factual statements, experiments, calculations, & guided theories. In Mass Communication, it's a whole new & different league for me. I have to constantly think out of the box, not to mention be insanely creative (thinking-wise). This has shown how little I know about "the real" Mass Communication. I know that Mass Communication requires a good hand in language, besides being talkative. What I didn't know about Mass Comm is that I have to learn a hell lot of other stuff like I.T., Principles of Advertising etc.. All this time, I knew that I was a misfit in the "Science Clan", because my friends there are so studious, not to mention super geniuses. & they're also very quiet, which I'm kind of the odd one out here. I can't seem to keep my mouth shut. I love to express my feelings externally, while my friends prefer to just keep it to themselves. I love Andrew Lloyd Weber & Steven Spielberg , but they love Einstein & Stephen Hawkins. We're like from two different planets. In addition, I NEVER EVER liked Science & Maths since I could remember. They're my arch nemesis. I always excel in my languages, but my friends excel in "the otherwise".

I guess that's why my mum always encouraged me to take up Mass Comm or English Literature, since she's not a big fan of me pursuing my childhood dream - Performing Arts. She always told me to make that as a minor instead of a major because I can get a steady qualification for the "working world". I totally admit that after my SPM exam, I was actually contemplating whether to continue the stream which I've always taken or to take a leap of faith & switch it to my favorite Arts stream. But my "ego" got the best of me, plus my fear of change (or kainotophobia) that struck me to make a very hassle decision to accept the offer to Form 6. Before I entered, I consulted with my cousin who had experienced life in Form 6. To my surprise, she actually switched her stream when she was in there. So I thought, "That's not a bad idea. I can go for the Arts stream & save my parents money at the same time. I can also make my family proud since Form 6 is one of the most recognized Pre-University courses in the world."

To my utter disappointment, the school that I was put to didn't let me change my stream. To make things even worse, I FAILED in my finals there because I couldn't catch up with the advanced Biology, Maths T & Chemistry studies. Out of the 5 subjects in that course, I only managed to score 2. & I'm sure you guys know what they are. But for those who don't, they're my MUET (Malaysian University English Test) & Pengajian Am (General Studies). Both are languages & both don't require intellectual thinking.

After a long "Battle of The Education" with my whole family (yes, my parents are NOT the only ones who opposed my decision to leave Form 6 for college), I couldn't take it anymore. So, I took this matter in my own hands. I submitted a letter to the principal stating that I was going to discontinue my course there without anyone in my family knowing anything about it. When they found out what I've done, it was already too late. My name was already taken out from the school system & I was required to leave after 3 weeks. All my posts in my school clubs & societies were revoked & an emergency meeting was held to choose the new president for the English Society, secretary for the KRS & Blue Team, lead soprano for the Choir team, & also the treasurer for the PRS.

At first, they were furious. I'm totally serious!!! I had THE WORST Chinese New Year of my life this year because I was being the so-called "hot topic" in the family. & the news spread to my school. I was like a mini-celebrity during that time, but not in a good way. I was being bombarded question after question. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. It wasn't pretty at all. But I always told myself, "If you want something so badly, you have to carry all the bad that comes along with it. Life's not a rainbow. Every famous people had gone through all kinds of bad in their life in order to achieve what they want.". So, I persevered. That was actually the first time in my whole 18 years of life that I took something I want so seriously that I was willing to fight till I died to get it. I fought countless battles in my life, but all of them were only half-hearted. That's when my parents started to open their eyes & realized that I didn't just wanted for the sake of wanting it, but I wanted it because I wanted to achieve something in my "life-list", which is to make my 15 year-old dream become a reality.

Since I was 4 years old, all I ever wanted to do was perform to an audience. Most people will use the term "arrogant" or "snobbish" for what I'm going to say, but for the record, I'm not & will never be. I love it when I can capture people's attention when I perform. I love to make them smile & "WOW" them whenever I can. I wanted to be the next Paula Abdul, who is my idol for the past 15 years! =) I want to achieve my dream because it makes me happy, & I believe that happiness is one of the key ingredients to a meaningful life.

So here I am now, in KDU college, taking my Diploma. I'm going to continue my fight to reach the top so that I can achieve my ultimate happiness. I'm going to work my bum off even though I have to learn certain subjects from zero, so that I can get a scholarship for my Degree. =)

Well, that's all for now. Till then....