Paulatic! =D

  I'm in my college library now. Trying to do my Critical Thinking assignment, but I'm so lost! >.< I totally don't know what to write~!!! The essay title is too wide, which is "Human Being". What am I going to write about??? Ugh~~~~ >.<"""

  Anyways, I'm totally in the "Paula" mood all of a sudden. So..... I'm gonna post some Paula pics for y'all! =D ENJOY~!!!!!! xoxo

... & my ultimate favorite....

xD

  That's all for now. Till then...

Signing off,

~Steph~

(the girl y'all never expected to be...)

Killin' Me Softly

  I don't know why these few posts I've been using song titles as my "blog titles". Oh well, I guess I'm just in those "Shakespeare" modes.

  Anyway.... Went back to Teluk Intan during the weekends! It was awesome~~~~ =) I got to hang out with 2 of my besties in Sushi King. We ended up talking about random stuff for 2 hours! xD One of the craziest subject is about my relationship status. Why doesn't anyone believe that I'm single?!!!! >.<""" Ugh~~~~

  The next day, I went to watch "How To Train Your Dragon" with my family and besies in Big Cinema, Teluk Intan. Actually, it's my second time watching that movie. My first time was in 1 Utama. =) The cinema sucked! Throughout the whole movie, the screen kept on shaking. I felt damn dizzy after watching it! *sighs* But overall, we still had a wonderful time.

  Later that day, my family & I had our lunch at the Glutton Square. After that, we went to my granny's house to meet the newest addition of the family - Chan Jun Je. He's my aunt's son. Damn cute!!!! =3 We all were thinking about various baby names for him, & ended up having Jun Je (or JJ for short). He's so tiny, not to mention cute!Have I said that??? Oh Well, HE IS~!! =3 =3

  That night, I came back to Kelana Jaya with my aunt & uncle. Reached here about 8:45 pm. Then I tried to fix my internet router, but failed miserably! >.< So I called the technician to come & fix my router today. Hopefully I can have wireless over here by tomorrow~~~ *prays*

  Well, the reason why I typed "Killin' Me Softly" is because I feel like everything & everyone around me is like..... Ugh.... I don't know how to describe it. It's just so frustrating.... I seriously want my life drama to come to an end! I'm so sick & tired of being so insecure & trying to hide all my pain & sorrow to myself. These feelings (I'm not blaming anyone who's causing these emotions of mine to "arise" again) are eating me up once again.... I'm so scared that I'll become like I was in my secondary school years. This all happened after my assignment "crash" a few weeks ago.... WHAT AM I GONNA DO???????

  *sighs* =(

  Well, that's all for now. Till then...

Signing off,

~Steph~
(the girl y'all never expected to be...)

True Colors

  I'm now in love with the song "True Colors" by the Glee cast. I can totally relate to that song. =) This song always reminds me not to quickly judge others, instead see their "beautiful" side. Hope you guys enjoy the lyrics to this song! xoxo

"True Colors"

(feat. Jenna Ushkowitz)

You with the sad eyes

Don't be discouraged

Oh I realize

It's hard to take courage

In a world full of people

You can lose sight of it all

And the darkness inside you

Can make you fell so small

But I see your true colors

Shining through

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors are beautiful

Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then

Don't be unhappy, can't remember

When I last saw you laughing

If this world makes you crazy

And you've taken all you can bear

You call me up

Because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors

Shining through

I see your true colors

I see your true colors

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors are beautiful

Like a rainbow

Cant remember when I last saw you laughing

If this world makes you crazy

And you've taken all you can bear

You call me up

Because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors

Shining through

I see your true colors

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors

See your true colors

Shining through

YEAH!

I can see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid

To let them show

Your true colors

True colors

True colors

Are Beautiful like the Rainbow

  That's all for now. Till then....

Signing off,

 

 ~Steph~
(the girl y'all never expected to be...)

p/s: I'm lazy to plug in my external hard drive. So I use this image instead~~~ Paula forever!!! <3 

Release

  This week is THE CRAZIEST WEEK EVER!!!! It's not a good week at all. That's because I just found out that everyone in my class is starting to show their stripes. & boy, they're not good AT ALL! =(

  I found out that most of them are very judgmental. The ironic thing is that I found that out after I watched the latest episode of Desperate Housewives the night before. I feel like I don't belong with them. I feel like I'm just being used for their advantage (as usual) again..... I'M TOTALLY SICK AND TIRED OF THE FIASCO~!!!! I want out!!!!! *cries*

  I don't understand why they are so judgmental.... I mean, everyone is different. Why do they want to critique someone else for their flaws??? Do they think that they're so perfect themselves? *sighs* I for one, know that I'M NOT PERFECT AT ALL.

  I believe that there's a good side in everyone. I know that you may call me nuts or naive. But that's my belief, & I'm totally entitled to give my opinion about it. For instance, some people they may have the looks of a gangster, but actually they're very caring & nice. The only thing that one must do is to be open-minded & be patient, because sometimes it might take a few days, or maybe weeks for the other to reveal they're "true self".

  I think I'm going to cry again~~~ I need my mum! ='(

  That's all for now. Till then....


p/s: this is just a series of rambles. I'm just so stressed up right now. Plus I'm using my laptop in the lecture hall, so I don't have my external hard drive with me.


Signing off,

~Steph~
(the girl y'all never expected to be...)

Stupid Cupid

  If you're thinking it's a song title, think again. I'm just so upset & pissed off right now!


  I recently broke off with my current boyfriend, because I got to know that he wanted to be with me for the sake of showing off to his friends that he can lure "fierce" girls.So, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single". Actually, I wanted to put "it's complicated" because.... Well, IT IS! *sighs*

  "Why are guys that I'm not interested in attracted to me, while the guys who I'm interested are not?" That's what I've been thinking for the past few years. & recently, it has gotten even worse! There are like, 4 guys who I've chatted with (both online & face-to-face) giving hints to me that they're interested in me. But unfortunately for them, I'm NOT interested in them what-so-ever! This is so frustrating. I think that my cupid either just hates me or has an aiming problem, because the guys whom I've had crushes on (from one heart-ache to another) either have no interest in me or they're not available. *sighs*


  I'm not saying that the guys that I'm not interested are not handsome & all, but as a female, I prefer my relationships to have sparks in it. Plus, I want my relationship to be true & pure. I don't like guys who want me so that they can take advantage on me. No, scratch that. I HATE guys who want me so that they can take advantage of me! I hate guys who want me as their girlfriend for the sake of showing me off to their friends. That is so stupid, not to mention immature. 


  *sighs* I wonder when can I find my Prince Charming, my Mi Amor, my One-&-Only??? The one who can sweep me off of my feet?? I know that I'm very cheesy, but I can't help it. Which girl doesn't??


  *BIG SIGH*


  That's all for now. Till then....


Signing off,

~Steph~
(the girl y'all never expected to be...)
 

15th April 2010

  Today is my cousin's 19th birthday! I'm so happy for him. My aunt took us to this fancy Japanese restaurant in a 5 star hotel to celebrate his birthday. All I can is that my meal alone costs more than RM 60.00! & I don't even want to know the total of the dinner. >.<

  Actually, I almost forgot that it's his birthday today. I'm such a bad cousin... But I managed to buy his present on time thanks to my good friend, Riyal who was so willing to put up with my whiny attitude to go present shopping with me. Thank you! ^^

  Classes today was OK. I have learned many things, & one of them is that I will never see any TV ads or music videos like normal people do from now onwards. That's because in the Principles of Advertising class, my lecturer taught the class on how to be observant about what images celebrities are trying to portray in their music video, what messages they want to convey to their audience & also who their target audience are. We learned all this by just watching 2 of Lady GaGa's music videos - "Poker Face" & "Bad Romance", plus a new movie trailer (but I forgot the name... =P).

  Today's Performing Arts class was great as usual. Lovies to all the seniors who are teaching me & my friends the "Jai-Ho" dance routine. However, my leg injury which hasn't recover became worse right now. & I know it's not their fault. It's my stubborn attitude of not giving dancing a one-day break. But I just can't help it! Dancing is air to me. I need it to "breathe"... =)

  I was also very worried throughout the day today. That's because one of my friend was sent to the hospital twice because she was suspected to have the H1N1 influenza, since her fever didn't subside & she was physically drained out. Luckily, it was a negative. WHEW~~~~

  Finally, I had another very emotional phone conversation with my mum not long ago. We were just talking about the computer router & some other random stuff (or more like problems) when she & I started to have a little "Voice- raising competition". After that, she threw me ultimate weapon on me - Money. That's when reality hit me like a ton of rocks, & I started sobbing. I seriously hate to be accused for something I didn't do, & this is one of them. I felt like I was being accused for spending money like water since my arrival in KL. The truth is, I'm trying so Goddamn hard to save every penny that I can. The problem is, the prices of EVERYTHING here are darn expensive! No matter how much I calculate & save, I tend to use more than I save. Most of the money I spent on are on food (breakfast, lunch & dinner). & in one day alone, I can use up to RM50.00 just for 3 meals. That's a whole lot of money! >.< Plus with the guilt that I'm feeling when I go to college because my parents don't want me to take the loan. I really don't like to squeeze my parents' pockets. But they won't let me work, nor let me take a loan. Plus, my mum told me to take it easy in my studies, because she doesn't want the "incident" in Form 5 to happen to me again. She knows that I get stressed up very easily & when I'm stressed, I'll do crazy stuff (not good). She told me not to force myself to get the 3.0 CGPA, instead just pass the exams. She said that the scholarship is not that important. These stuff she told me really made me feel more guilty than ever! My course is not cheap at all, plus my living cost here. It's total hell! *sighs* Typing these stuff really makes me wanna cry again.... *sobs*

  I had better stop now. I need to clear my mind & get some sleep as well, because I have classes tomorrow.

  That's all for now. Till then....

Signing off,

 ~Steph~
(they girl y'all never expected to be...)

Blogs

   It's been such a long time since I've written a proper blog (exclude the ones from Formsprings.me). I have so many things to type, but I don't know where to start!!!! xD

   Oh OK~~~ Let's start with..... I'M FINALLY IN COLLEGE! =D My parents finally gave me the green light to leave my Form 6 & go study in college! =) I'm now in my freshman year for my Diploma in Mass Communication. *smug*  Loving every bit of it. Made new friends there, & we are now called as "The Manganz" (actually, I dunno what does "Mangan" mean. My friend Sam just started saying that word & we've got stuck to it ever since. LOL~~).

  I've got one thing to say though. I'm totally out of my comfort zone over here. For the past 9 years of my life, I was a total Science geek (not a good one, I may add). All the subjects that I've learned are based on factual statements, experiments, calculations, & guided theories. In Mass Communication, it's a whole new & different league for me. I have to constantly think out of the box, not to mention be insanely creative (thinking-wise). This has shown how little I know about "the real" Mass Communication. I know that Mass Communication requires a good hand in language, besides being talkative. What I didn't know about Mass Comm is that I have to learn a hell lot of other stuff like I.T., Principles of Advertising etc.. All this time, I knew that I was a misfit in the "Science Clan", because my friends there are so studious, not to mention super geniuses. & they're also very quiet, which I'm kind of the odd one out here. I can't seem to keep my mouth shut. I love to express my feelings externally, while my friends prefer to just keep it to themselves. I love Andrew Lloyd Weber & Steven Spielberg , but they love Einstein & Stephen Hawkins. We're like from two different planets. In addition, I NEVER EVER liked Science & Maths since I could remember. They're my arch nemesis. I always excel in my languages, but my friends excel in "the otherwise".

  I guess that's why my mum always encouraged me to take up Mass Comm or English Literature, since she's not a big fan of me pursuing my childhood dream - Performing Arts. She always told me to make that as a minor instead of a major because I can get a steady qualification for the "working world". I totally admit that after my SPM exam, I was actually contemplating whether to continue the stream which I've always taken or to take a leap of faith & switch it to my favorite Arts stream. But my "ego" got the best of me, plus my fear of change (or kainotophobia) that struck me to make a very hassle decision to accept the offer to Form 6. Before I entered, I consulted with my cousin who had experienced life in Form 6. To my surprise, she actually switched her stream when she was in there. So I thought, "That's not a bad idea. I can go for the Arts stream & save my parents money at the same time. I can also make my family proud since Form 6 is one of the most recognized Pre-University courses in the world." 

  To my utter disappointment, the school that I was put to didn't let me change my stream. To make things even worse, I FAILED in my finals there because I couldn't catch up with the advanced Biology, Maths T & Chemistry studies. Out of the 5 subjects in that course, I only managed to score 2. & I'm sure you guys know what they are. But for those who don't, they're my MUET (Malaysian University English Test) & Pengajian Am (General Studies). Both are languages & both don't require intellectual thinking.  

  After a long "Battle of The Education" with my whole family (yes, my parents are NOT the only ones who opposed my decision to leave Form 6 for college), I couldn't take it anymore. So, I took this matter in my own hands. I submitted a letter to the principal stating that I was going to discontinue my course there without anyone in my family knowing anything about it. When they found out what I've done, it was already too late. My name was already taken out from the school system & I was required to leave after 3 weeks. All my posts in my school clubs & societies were revoked & an emergency meeting was held to choose the new president for the English Society, secretary for the KRS & Blue Team, lead soprano for the Choir team, & also the treasurer for the PRS. 

  

  At first, they were furious. I'm totally serious!!! I had THE WORST Chinese New Year of my life this year because I was being the so-called "hot topic" in the family. & the news spread to my school. I was like a mini-celebrity during that time, but not in a good way. I was being bombarded question after question. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. It wasn't pretty at all. But I always told myself, "If you want something so badly, you have to carry all the bad that comes along with it. Life's not a rainbow. Every famous people had gone through all kinds of bad in their life in order to achieve what they want.". So, I persevered. That was actually the first time in my whole 18 years of life that I took something I want so seriously that I was willing to fight till I died to get it. I fought countless battles in my life, but all of them were only half-hearted. That's when my parents started to open their eyes & realized that I didn't just wanted for the sake of wanting it, but I wanted it because I wanted to achieve something in my "life-list", which is to make my 15 year-old dream become a reality. 

  Since I was 4 years old, all I ever wanted to do was perform to an audience. Most people will use the term "arrogant" or "snobbish" for what I'm going to say, but for the record, I'm not & will never be. I love it when I can capture people's attention when I perform. I love to make them smile & "WOW" them whenever I can. I wanted to be the next Paula Abdul, who is my idol for the past 15 years! =) I want to achieve my dream because it makes me happy, & I believe that happiness is one of the key ingredients to a meaningful life.

  So here I am now, in KDU college, taking my Diploma. I'm going to continue my fight to reach the top so that I can achieve my ultimate happiness. I'm going to work my bum off even though I have to learn certain subjects from zero, so that I can get a scholarship for my Degree. =)

  Well, that's all for now. Till then....

 (The "Manganz")

(In Burger King)

(In our KDU T-shirts)

(My "sistas")

Signing off,

 

~Steph~

(the girl y'all never expected to be....)