PAULATIC~!!! number 2

So, since I cannot tweet Paula anymore, I mind as well comfort myself by posting some of her pictures here. *sighs* I really do not understand why my tweets won't appear on her page~~ =( I think I'm gonna cry~~ ='(

Luv you Paula~~~ <3333333333

Till then...

Signing off,

~Steph~

(the girl y'all never expected to be...)

Independence Day

Well, today is the 31st of August. It's my beloved country's 52 years of independence day. Though, this year is very different from the other years because this year, there's no countdown & big parades & all that festivity stuff. That's because our country is in the "red zone" of the H1N1 (Swine flu) virus~ *sighs* (=.=)

So, how did my family celebrated our Independence Day? Well, the night before, we all sat in the TV room & watched a patriotic movie. Not sure what the title is though~~ Haha~~ =D Then this morning, we had breakfast in a Chinese "Kopitiam". It's been a while since I've been to those kind of places. To long, actually~~ =) After that, we went to the local wet-market & helped my mum with her groceries. Although I must say, this will be my first & last time I'll ever go to this kind of place AGAIN~!!! (>.<)

Then, I went to my local hairstylist & pampered myself. Had a hair treatment & a trim. I love my hairstylist. She's the coolest~!! =)

Now, I'm in my room, trying to study for my Chemistry quiz tomorrow. Damn I hate Form 6~!! I really don't want to continue Science~!! I feel as though I'm gonna cry at any second now! AAAAARGH~~~!!!! x( Why am I being cursed to go for Science stream~?!!!

& today I just found out that none of my tweets to Paula have reached her page. I really wonder why~~ Why, why, WHY~!!! I'm so sad, angry, disappointed, disorientated~~ GAH~~ I don't know anymore~!!! I'm just really, really upset right now~~ Damn I hate it when I have to go to school tomorrow. I'll always feel like this - like shit~~ =(

Oh well... Mind as well go back to studying... Although, I know that NOTHING will get into my head, AT ALL~!!! *sighs*

Till then...

Signing off,

~Steph~

(the girl y'all never expected to be...)

Happy Birthday MJ

I just remembered. Yesterday was the late Michael Jackson's birthday. I just wanna wish the King of Pop Happy Birthday and may you rest in peace. You will always & forever be remembered by all of us devoted fans~ =(

My all-time favorite MJ song was, is and will be Black Or White~ & for those who don't know the lyrics to that song, here it is. So, enjoy! :

Black Or White lyrics

I Took My Baby

On A Saturday Bang
Boy Is That Girl With You
Yes We're One And The Same

Now I Believe In Miracles
And A Miracle

Has Happened Tonight

But, If
You're Thinkin'
About My Baby

It Don't Matter If You're

Black Or White

They Print My Message
In The Saturday Sun
I Had To Tell Them

I Ain't Second To None

And I Told About Equality
An It's True
Either You're Wrong

Or You're Right

But, If

You're Thinkin'

About My Baby
It Don't Matter If You're
Black Or White

I Am Tired Of This Devil
I Am Tired Of This Stuff

I Am Tired Of This Business
Sew When The
Going Gets Rough

I Ain't Scared Of
Your Brother
I Ain't Scared Of No Sheets

I Ain't Scare Of Nobody
Girl When The

Goin' Gets Mean

[L. T. B. Rap Performance]

Protection
For Gangs, Clubs

And Nations
Causing Grief In

Human Relations
It's A Turf War

On A Global Scale
I'd Rather Hear Both Sides
Of The Tale
See, It's Not About Races

Just Places
Faces
Where Your Blood
Comes From
Is Where Your Space Is

I've Seen The Bright
Get Duller
I'm Not Going To Spend
My Life Being A Color

[Michael]
Don't Tell Me You Agree With Me

When I Saw You Kicking Dirt In My Eye

But, If
You're Thinkin' About My Baby

It Don't Matter If You're Black Or White

I Said If
You're Thinkin' Of
Being My Baby
It Don't Matter If You're Black Or White

I Said If
You're Thinkin' Of

Being My Brother
It Don't Matter If You're
Black Or White

Ooh, Ooh
Yea, Yea, Yea Now
Ooh, Ooh

Yea, Yea, Yea Now

It's Black, It's White
It's Tough For You

To Get By
It's Black , It's White, Whoo

It's Black, It's White
It's Tough For You
To Get By
It's Black , It's White, Whoo

You are not alone, Michael~~ We will always be there for you!! MJ forever~!!!! <3333333

Till then...

Signing off,

~Steph~

(the girl y'all never expected to be...)

PAULATIC~!!!

OK, so you guys know that I'm a Paula fan right? So now I'm just gonna go completely nuts & post some Paula pics here~!!! I love love love her so freakin' much~!!!! <33333333

Goddess with a heart of gold~!!! Love ya P~!!!

Till then...

Signing off,

~Steph~

(the girl y'all never expected to be...)

Bloggers...!!!

So I was checking my page again for any updates, & I must say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH~!! For viewing, commenting, & subscribing to it~!!

So, I checked out Janine's blog (@xoxojanine) just now. Man, it was hilarious~!! Especially her previous posts about Paula~!!! All I can say is, Oh My God~!!!

& I've also found out a lot of fact about P which I never knew before, like the last book that she read. But, about her favorite color... I don't know if red & black are the correct answers. I'm not criticizing of anything. It's just that I personally tweeted that question to her, & her answer was Lavender.... So.... Weird.... Hurm.... =|

Anyways, I still love her blog~!!! You guys should check it out~!!! It's totally AWESOME~!!!! http://janineluies23.blogspot.com/

OK... So that's all for now... Thanks again for all the comments & the reviews & the subscriptions!! Luv y'all~!!!

Till then...

Signing off,

~Steph~

(the girl y'all never expected to be...)

Toaster Waffles

Ever wondered why toaster waffles are called, well, toaster waffles?? I was just asking that question to myself today. That's because for all I know, I never toasted my waffles before. Sure, they are frozen when I take them out of the refrigerator. But then, I'll put them in the microwave instead, although I have a toaster too~ But never even once have I tried toasting a waffle. Maybe I should...

So.... Hurm.... =|

Till then...

Signing off,

~Steph~

(the girl y'all never expected to be...)

Personal Diaries

Before I discovered Blogspot, I used to have my very own personal diary. I kept it private because I felt like it contains too many untold secrets about myself. Now only then I realize how stupid I was at that time. I'm an extrovert, & therefore I'm not good at hiding any emotions that I'm feeling. So, I've decided to share one of my entries to you guys, mainly to my friend Katryna (a.k.a @sweet19). I hope you're reading this Katryna, because I know what you're going through right now~~ Well, more or less... =D

14th October 2008, 12.50 pm, History period (yes, I do bring my diary to school~~)

Cikgu Alias has gone out for a while. He wants to take more questions for us.

Despite most of my grades that I'm very impressed, I still feel that I'm not even close to my goal yet. At the same time, I'm also very scared that I cannot maintain my result for my real SPM exam. To make things worse, I've only got 29 days to recall and to re-read 2 years and 10 subjects of knowledge! just 29 days~!!! That's not even close to 1 month!!!

"Am I crazy?" That would be my everyday ask-myself question. I tend to throw childish tantrums, have mood-swings, sometimes thinking about too many unnecessary stuff and many other weird habits. Do I count as a nut person? I will really not know. At first, I thought that Dr. Lau from the Ipoh Specialists Centre gave me the Amytriptalline (sp.) pills to ease the pain on my left hand. But when I showed the blue pills to Dr Lim & Dr. Lee (my family doctors), both of them said the same thing: my so-called "painkillers" were actually anti-depressant pills! ANTI-DEPRESSANT PILLS!!! I was so shocked at that time. But then, I found out that those pills have really helped me to relax, not to hallucinate and not to imagine weird things and also stopped my weird habits. The pills have also helped me to sleep well and they stopped my midnight nightmares.

However, I've finished the pills a few days ago. The first few days (maybe about 3 days) I was feeling fine. But now...

I'm so scared that I want to cry! But I cannot cry. I don't want Mum to find out. I also don't want my friends to think that I'm a freak. But, I think that I can't hide it any longer. Actually, I barely had any sleep for the last 2 days because of the "nightmares". The weird things is, I can't remember any of those nightmares. I just know that I'll just wake up with my heart pounding so fast that I cannot fall back to sleep.

I just wanna go home now, but it's only 1.40 pm. Another 10 minutes of hell!!!

& I don't know why, but I'm starting to hate EVERYONE, including my best friends, who came close to me. I think my depressed feelings are starting to come back. I'm so scared that I cannot control it any longer... What's wrong with me?!!! Why am I feeling like this?!!! Am I going nuts?!!! Oh God!!! Please release me from this curse I'm in~!!!

I've tried to talk to Mum about it. However, she just told me that my anxiety and panic attacks are coming back. She said that it's because of my upcoming SPM exam, & it will wear off after it's over. When Iasked her whether I need medications, like anti-depressant pills, she just said, "I know you're not crazy. You're just very immature in thinking. So grow up!". She also said that it's all mind over matter. But, I don't think that I can take this any longer... I feel like I'm losing control over myself. Oh what am I going to do?!!!

OK~ So that's one of my entries. It sounds like I'm a nut-job. But then it turns out that I'm just having a down moment. That's because I'm so caught up &worried about my exams & my other activities (note that I had many high positions in many clubs & societies). So, now that I know that writing diaries make me feel even worse, I stopped it. Instead, I turned to Blogspot now. That because I know that I can tell everyone what I'm feeling & I can get help from you guys & I don't have to go nuts & be secretive anymore. Now I'm a very carefree person~!! =D

So, that's all for now. Ciao~!!

Till then...

Signing off,

~Steph~

(the girl y'all never expected to be...)

National Service, & Random Post Number 3

So, today I tried another 2 more different types of Twitter applications. Mainly, Seesmic & Twhirl. However, they're just not as good compared to the main Twitter website. So... Hurm.... =|

I don't know what is wrong with me today, but I suddenly had the urge to read one of my ex-National Service friend's blog. His name is Eugene. As I was reading his blog entitled "This Is My Story", I stumbled upon one of of his posts. The title is 17/06/09. It's actually talking about his life for the past 6 months. I almost teared up because towards the end of his blog, he mentioned my name (twice to be exact) & he said that he misses his National Service friends very much~ So, I'm gonna make an effort here to also say: I miss my National Service friends too~!! Mainly, Eugene, Joey, Nicole, Max, Jin, Jothy, Pavi, Viki, Vini & all my other "dancemates"~!!! *sobbing* =(

However, I have to point out too that I do not miss most of the things in National Service. The main one is the TKJ (Tmbalan Ketua Jurulatih, or Vice Head of Coach for English). After the "sexual harassment" that has happened to me there, I never EVER want to see him EVER again for as long as I live~!! x(

*sighs* I'm babbling again, I know. So, I'm gonna stop now.

Till then...

Signing off,

~Steph~

(the girl y'all never expected to be...)

Random Post Number 2

Ugh... I hate it when I can't do any of my favorite activities. I'm still on the bed. Mum threatened to take away my laptop if I don't get some rest. But I told her that I need something that can keep me entertained, since I can't gather enough strength to get up and play my keyboard or sing or even do some homework~ She gave in, but she gave me time limit to use my laptop. So here I am now typing away...

Tweetdeck is being nuts on me again. So I decided to uninstall it. One of my Twitter friend (@kazwan) suggested that I download Seesmic, a new Twitter application. So, I went to the website & tried to download it. Unfortunately, my laptop won't let it download. I really don't know why~ So now I'm stuck using the slow Twitter website instead. =(

Sent another tweet to Paula Abdul (@PaulaAbdul) just now, just wishing her Happy Friday. Although, technically it's already Saturday in Malaysia because it's past midnight. But over there is still Friday, so it's OK. =)

Another 2 more days before school begins again. I really hate it, because on the first day of school, there will the dreadful Chemistry quiz... Ugh~~ I feel like I'm gonna puke any second now just thinking about it. x(

I really, truly thought that I could have fun during this one week-holiday. But, it seems that my holidays have been spent in & out of the doctor's office, taking meds & just laying on the bed. *sighs* The doctor said that I don't have H1N1 (or Swine flu), but I have another kind of viral infection, similar to the one I got when I was kicked back home from National Service. But fortunately, I recovering now. & I feel a whole lot better compared to the beginning of the week. =)

I really hope that Paula would reply my tweet. It will probably make me feel 100 times better, & maybe I can just get out of bed because of her tweet~

Oh my God~ I really hate these meds! They're making me feel so out of place~!! I know that it will be another "light year" before I can see another Paula-response tweet on my page again. So don't get your hopes high Steph~!! It will not happen any time soon~!!! x( [that was just me talking to myself, telling myself to snap out of it]

Now only then I realize that my followers on Twitter have decreased so much. The last time I checked, I knew that I had almost 2000 followers, now I'm only left with 1549 followers. That's totally weird... But whatever, I don't care about my followers anymore. I just care for my usual friends online, mainly Katryna (@sweet19), Janine (@xoxojanine), Lauren (@paulaabdulfan), Cattleya Ayu (@holloglam), Vivien (@imvivienho1), Sarah (@The_SmartOne), Jen (@JenJenXoXo) & many many more (sorry because there are too many names, I can't remember them all. But I still luv all my Twitter friends... <3333).

Wow, & now also that I realize that I've tweeted more than 7000 times~!! Oh my God~!! I'm a total Twitter-holic~!! xD Thus, I can conclude that using the main Twitter page is much much better, although I have to constantly refresh my page to check my responses. =)

Right now, I'm just listening to some of Paula's songs. Then maybe I'm gonna go to bed. I don't know.... We'll see how the situation is~~ =)

Till then...

Signing off,

~Steph~

(the girl y'all never expected to be...)

Jericho

OK, so I heard this song from Hilary Duff. It's based on the movie "Raise Your Voice". It's quite a good movie actually, for those who love to watch "chick flicks" that is. The song's called "Jericho".

So, you guys might be wondering why am I just suddenly blurting all this crap? Well, to answer that question, you guys just have to listen to the song & read the lyrics. This song is so good & very inspiring at the same time. So, enjoy! =) :

"Jericho"

Hop on a fast train out of town
Downside up and Upside down
Going fast is going slow
What could have been we'll never know

In this place that has no name
I can't remember why I came
Then I hear you whisper low
One more mile to Jericho
Nothing is ever what it seems
When you live inside your dreams

[Chorus:]
The walls will tumble
the walls will tumble

But Im not gonna cry
My heart wont crumble
My heart wont crumble
If we ever say goodbye

Everybody gets the joke

Where's the fire?
Where's the smoke?
Money, love and jealousy
Something's got a hold on me
But I will follow where you go
One more mile to Jericho

[Repeat Chorus]

One more mile
One more kiss
One more word

One more wish
And love will save us
This I know
From this place called Jericho

[Repeat Chorus]

Till then...

Signing off,

~Steph~

(The gurl y'all never expected to be...)

.....

What to write? Oh what to write? LOL~ I'm being stupid here. Just because I opened this site, I thought that I could write something. But it seems that I don't~ =D

Oh well, better go study. Don't wanna get a big fat ZERO for my Chemistry quiz~ Although I have to say, I really don't understand a thing in that book, AT ALL~!!! XD

So.... Umm.... Yeah....

Till then...

Signing off,

~Steph~

(the gurl y'all never expected to be...)

I Have Nothing

OK. In my last post, I wrote (and quoted) that I have "I Have Nothing" stuck in my head. Well, in case you guys don't know yet, "I Have Nothing" is a song which was sung by one of the most talented female voices of all time. No, it's not Celine Dion. & no, it's not Aretha Franklin either. It's the one and only... WHITNEY HOUSTON~!! If you still don't have a clue who she is, maybe the song "I Will Always Love You" might ring a bell??...:

"& I~~~ Will always love you~~ Ooo~~~"

OK, OK. If you guys never heard of any of these songs (*sighing*), here's the link to the You Tube videos of the songs:

1. I Will Always Love You - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGC003Xz3CY

2. I Have Nothing - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0KzvN-2gaE

Now, you can go on calling me old-fashioned, "antique" & what-so-ever. But let me tell you this,

music now can never and will never be better than music then. All the "screamo" and senseless

raps like "I wanna F**k you" are all just crap. But music like "Evacuate The Dancefloor" and

"No Boundaries" are the very few songs which in my opinion, still considered as music. Not that I

hate Ne-Yo or Greenday. I'm just expressing for the fact that music shouldn't become this violent.

Instead, the lyrics of the song should carry meaning like some of MJ's songs ("Heal The World",

"You Are Not Alone" just to name a few).

& for your information again, this is just my opinion. It is up to you whether to accept it or reject it.

All critiques are welcomed. & below are the lyrics for "I Have Nothing". Enjoy! =) :

Share my life, take me for what I am
Coz I'll never change all my colors for you
Take my love, I'll never ask for too much
Just all that you are and everything that you do

I don't really need to look very much further
I don't want to have to go where you don't follow
I won't hold it back again, this passion inside

Can't run from myself
There's nowhere to hide


Well,don't make me close one more door
I don't wanna hurt anymore

Stay in my arms if you dare
Or must I imagine you there
Don't walk away from me...
I have nothing, nothing, nothing
If I don't have you, you, you, you, you, you...

You see through, right to the heart of me
You break down my walls with the strength of your love mmmmm...
I never knew love like I've known it with you

Will a memory survive, one I can hold on to

I don't really need to look very much further
I don't want to have to go where you don't follow
I won't hold it back again, this passion inside
I Can't run from myself
There's nowhere to hide
Your love I'll remember, forever

Don't make me close one more door
I don't wanna hurt anymore

Stay in my arms if you dare
Or must I imagine you there
Don't walk away from me...

I have nothing, nothing, nothing...

Well,don't make me close one more door
I don't wanna hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Or must I imagine you there
Don't walk away from me no...

Don't walk away from me
Don't you dare walk away from me
I have nothing, nothing, nothing

If I don't have you, you
ooohhh,ooooh
if i don't have you,oohh...

Till then...

Signing off,

~Steph~

(the gurl y'all never expected to be...)

Random Post

It's really weird not knowing what to write about... My mind's still in a blur~~

It's already Thursday. Another 3 more days of "fun" before school begins again. Ugh~ I just hate school. I hate my class. I hate having to deal with the upcoming Chemistry quiz next Tuesday. I hate having to wake up by 6.00 am everyday again. I hate my life... (=.=)

OK, OK. I'm being ridiculous now. Maybe it's because I'm still Goddamned sick & I cannot stop worrying. I really, truly do not want to get swine flu. But, as I was just starting to get relieved that my temperature's dropped, it goes back up again! I mean, come on! I really want to finish all my delayed assignments & homework, not to mention to study for my upcoming Chemistry quiz. I really want that 10 percent for the finals~~ (>.<)

I just finished watching "The Bodyguard" on You Tube for the third time now. It's been so long since I last saw that movie. I love Whitney in that film, but I still (and will always) love Kevin the most~!! He is just so darn smoking hot~!! & now I have "I Have Nothing" stuck in my head. I don't think that I can get it out in the next couple of days. So, to all my peers & my family, just bear with me~!! LMAO~~

After that, watched another few Paula videos on You Tube. She's so cool~!! Just love her to death~ But in a celeb-fan kind of way. I'm not lesbian, just in case you do not know yet~

Then, I decided to read some "Saula" (which stands for Paula+Simon. Something like "Brangellina" or "Bennifer") fanfics on Saula Heaven, or SH for short. There are actually some really good writers out there, some even better than the famous authors (but I don't wanna point out any names). Some of the fanfics like "If I Don't Have You" and "Nebulous" are just FABULOUS~!!! Although, I have to come back to terms that these are only fan-fictions. They are indeed NOT TRUE~ I feel like writing one myself, but seeing my talent here. I've concluded that I'm indeed a horrible writer & I don't want to take a risk & embarrass myself.

I'm still feeling a bit warm, but better than before. Last night, I suddenly couldn't breathe. I don't know why. I felt like my chest was being pressed on really hard. I felt like the Oxygen around me was decreasing. I was so in pain, but I never told my mum. Instead, I slowly went to the kitchen & drank a glass of warm water. Then, my breathing started to become steadier, & my chest pain was starting to subside. Finally, at around 1.30 am, I managed to get some decent sleep.

I hate being sick all the time, but I have no choice. I have to live with the fact that I'm going to have to take life-long medications, because I'm having chronic sinus & I've inherited my mum's asthma. But, I don't want those "pests" to ruin my daily lifestyle. I still want to dance, sing, act, do martial arts, run, play badminton, go out with my girlfriends & so on. I'm not going to give up living up to my life motto, which is "live life to the fullest". I'm going to risk getting broken bones & sprained ankles over & over again because I'm doing something that has meaning to my life. I don't want to listen to my mum & say, "OK. I'm gonna stop all this so that I won't have to face any 'old age' complications in my future." I am an individual (quote from my mum. Sometimes she can be the most interesting & yet the weirdest person in the world.), & I am the one who will determine my future. Therefore, I am willing to take all the consequences for my actions that I've done. I will not blame it on anybody including myself. =)

So, here I am now. On my bed, with my laptop on my lap. Typing away just to kill some time. God, these meds are making me become a lunatic! I'm just typing whatever that is going through my mind right now. & right now, my head is saying, "Let's do some studying. Then afterwards let's watch videos on You Tube again~!!" LMAO~~!!! XD

OK. So... That's all.... Umm.... Well... Bye.... *blushing*

Till then...

Signing off,

~Steph~

(the gurl y'all never expected to be...)